Hold me now!

Hold me now
and stay
right here
and believe
what i can believe
cuz i don't
wanna be alone
anymore
its late
but i don't want to sleep
can we talk
so i don't have to think
and i want u to know
that i need you now!
yeah now!

Am depressed...that all

Am depressed but not suicidal.. because i couldn't possibly make myself care enough that I'm alive to summon up the energy to off myself, not that i could.. You can wish for death but its like wishing for sleep, a sense of exhaustion so profound that your whole body aches, and just as sleep does some exhausted nights death eludes you, it is right there you feel it but it wont come close enough and if you have the energy to cry thats why....

Trapped

At times I feel as if the world out side is scrawling to the walls of my room,

looking for me

in search , for me

I lay in my bed I cant move

I'm sinking,

the bed is swallowing me

I'm inside my skull it is a little cave

and I curl upside down

and for once

I feel safe

Dementia

Now how do i get through..
i find myself tied to the ground, i cant move
i cant brethe..
my heart!
it skips a beat..
then two
then three
what now
what is there to do
juts wait
and wait
am feeling cold
feeling dizzy
how do i get out
of this inferno
that... surrounds me
its getting.. foogy
its geting difficult to see now!
am scared
wheres my heart?
can someone, anybody just help me!
get me out....

bring my heart
give it back to me...
i scream!!
i shout!!!
but i cant even hear myself
dam if only... i ..could still brethe
but it gets.. harder
and... harder
sufficating
delusions..
stigma..
dam just bring me back to life
again
dementia..
am a I still Alive??

Confussion maybe??

Floundering in this self made hell,

Warmth increasing as I dwell,

Within the confines I create,

Screaming as myself berate,

Giving in to this, my fate.

Suddenly the ground is lost,

Flailing arms as body's tossed.

Splashing down in crimson pool,

The warm embrace is much too cruel,

I curse this lowly, wretched fool.

Xpressing!

Every new beginning

comes from some beginnings end.

Every time you close that door,

Another door is opened.

Every time you say goodbye,

a different word is spoken.

And everytime you kill me

I'm born again!!!

Inevitable trapped

Let's make everythng clear

am not here to act as a police

nor are you to act as a fugitive

lets make it clear I repeat!

I dont have all day to be arguing

if this would be the olimpics you would break the world record

for ruining this moment

so lets make it clear

am not your property

and i got tired of having to hide and stay quite

stop acting like you own me , that love without freedom, dont last longer than a second.

always with the same thing. "you want to leave to never come back but yet you still here!

you have a zero in acting

ten in maniputation

and a scholarship for Psychiatry...

No more to say...

I.. was your ..cure

you were my.... disease

I was... saving you... and you..

you... were killing me......

A change

Yes I changed my hair color again,,,for those of you that know me you all know in the past 6 months i've change my hair color like 4 times already....

Yes once again.

once again I try to change

I ry to convince myself that everything will be ok

I keep on changing, I keep on growing but

my heart stays the same

It dosent change color

and it dosent seem to heal

How can I convince others that what they may see in the outside

dosent come close to what I feel in the inside

I hide in my sould and surround myself with fears and agony

I want to change

I want to be happy for once

I want to...

I just want to.. wrap myself in my heart and forever stay there.....

TRANQUILIZER...

Im not the same anymore. It has come down to a point that I am the one who’s breaking my rules and all I can do is sit n play the blame game.Its easier said than done…often there are things you cannot look past…I cannot look past. And every passing day just scratches my wound.Every little thing you do just arouses this inferno inside me which I cant handle and I behave like a psychopath. I feel like tearing things apart. I feel like choking you to death. and thats the sick animal you've made me and u had no bloody right to do so.Some people just grow in years...their brains stay stuck and then when they try to act smart...its a public comedy show.Today i feel like returning the favor , i wanna deprive you of every small thing u deserve and make you pay for it.You fake evry sorrow, you pretend to suffer and its child's play for you now.At times I just press the escape button and get out of your shit coz every justification you give just makes it worse.Every morning I convince myself that its just another mishap.And every morning I lie to myself.You just dont deserve to smile....

Warped and twisted

Harsh words & violent blows Hidden secrets nobody knows Eyes are open, hands are fistedDeep inside I'm warped & twisted So many tricks & so many liesToo many whens & too many whysNobody's special, nobody's gifted I'm just me, warped & twisted Sleeping awake & choking on a dream Listening loudly to a silent scream Call my mind, the number's unlisted Lost in someone so warped & twisted On my knees, alive but dead Look at the invisible blood I've bled I'm not gone, my mind has drifted Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollowToday's just yesterday's tomorrow The sun died out, the ashes sifted I'm still here, warped & twisted

escape

I want to escape

from this reality

I want to pretend

that i'm someone else

this emptines

keeps on drowing me

I 'm not the same

anymore!!

oh,Am EMO

I know the image can be quite disturbing....sorry but this image expresses the poem



You diss
I slit my wrist
When you cause me pain
I slit the left vain You break my heart
That’s where it starts
When you pretend To care Well how do you dare
It’s just not fair So I remain
So damn silent
See my stain It was very violent
I’m just a shadow
A part of the past
A part that could never last
My trickling blood Is dripping fast
I hear a thud I just lie and stare
I cry
And wonder why
Why should I be the one to go
Oh, because I’m emo…

EMO aGain..

Faded memories,

and everlasting scars.

That of which you bare to me

I no longer blame.

You are my flame

and I cannot hold you any longer.

You gave me life

-- took it for granted.

Sitting alone,

glaring at my mirrored image.

What has become of me?

I dont know

Express this

Just had to express!!!!

As My Pain starts to worsen-
I Start to take out a blade-
I Relize i cant live without you-
As my wrists start to bleed-
My old scars begin to Fade-
I Lay On The Floor-
Bleeding to death-
With noone around-
To see my last breath.

Masquerade

As I sink into the shadows,

the music begins to fade.

The people have all left me,

and so ends this masquerade.

My reality sinks in now.

This illusion is no more.

As I look into the mirror,

I cannot give myself a name.

Through all these lies I've hidden,

and lost myself in shame.

set aside is my pain,

so remains this saddened guilt

I'm alone

I am alone,
so very alone
I hurt,so very bad
I am ignored,
just thrown aside
I am lonely,
there is no one close,
no one sees the pain
I cry,
hope is gone
I am alone,
and no one knows

No label

The sky has left my hands

well you have no more reasons to love me

the left side of my bed is empty

and on the right side your picture insists on talking to me

You tell me that at night you get cold

but the worst is that i sleep with you

you say you dont want to get use to me

but dam am already use to you

dont worry about me

i will be ok

you could leave

i want to thank you for sharing those times with me

i promise i would never forget you

i give you my faith

just in case you might need it

or in case you want to come back

i will be waiting right here in the same spot.

Cant belive

The more.... you detach yourself...

the more..... I seem to sink at my knees....

It's like.... we're tripping on two different drugs...

But...

we both are experiencing a trip...nevertheless.

I cant belive that you......

you choked my throat,

Cut it off

and then asked me to breathe..

Mejor Beso

No te vi

Solo te senti

y no ubo nada mas que decir

Mas supe que eras

aquel sueno

por lo que tanto sone

por lo que tanto imagine

Te amo

Shes the girl

shes the girl, who cries every night and sings the most soulful song one would ever hear. she scratch the insides of her hands and stay hidden behind her tuft of hair just so that people don't see her swollen eyes. she looks at her phone every second minute hoping it would ring and when she realizes it wouldn't she just turn it to silent mode and throws it away. Some days she jumps into bed and talks to herself. Making plans about the future. Playing scenes and conversations.
I know her.


Thank you Misanthrope..

Confession from a sad soul

I use to be scared of the darkness

but yet thats where I would always find peace

but not anymore,

my thoughs haunt me everywhere I go

everywhere i hide,

they always tend to find me

The thruth is i am not scared of the darkness anymore

because

I have no light in my life

when pain Is everything you've ever felt

pain dosen't hurt aymore

I guess I'm immune to it

but I just want to sleep

I just want to sleep like a 4 year old.

Wrap myself within my arms and get lost

forever.

I just......want to sleep..

Doris and I

Doris is the one that goes to school

I m the one that stays home

Doris is the one that smiles

But i'm the one that cries

Doris talks

I stay quiet

Doris laughs with happiness

I sream in despair

Doris eats

I never hunger

Doris sleeps

I stay awake

Doris is lively

But am numb!!

Left with death

I left with Death

With no time

left

to stall.

And

like the day this soul

was born,

I felt

no

pain at all.

I've tried and still

I've tried can't you see

and still nobody loves me.

It eats away at me and drives me crazy.

All I want is somebody,

anybody

to love me.

I keep reaching don't ya see,

why can't I stop hiding behind me.

I watch you eyes intently trying to show you what I see,

Yet you keep torturing me.

I'm scared to ask,

but when I do your answer

I know

That no one really loves me.

Thoughts

Hate is the enemy my heart does not want

to surrender to

though sometimes

my weakness comes out

and my tears begin to flow

perhaps

if the people knew

the pain they give one another there would be no broken hearts

I wish to obliterate my enemies

words that fill your mind

with

agony....

Priceless

Maybe there aren't enough words

to explain these kinds of feelings

and maybe the stars don't come out when your not around

or the sun doesn't shine as bright as it does when you hold my hand

maybe

i am too attached to you

and maybe

i can live without you .

But that innocence of yours is what i most adore

that smile that lightens your face is just

priceless

Still Unknown

I am weak inside

and

full of pain

I shout and cry,

but

knowing there is nobody there

to hear me

I swallow

the shame and anger that lies beneath me

I am lost to reality

and living in time

Though I am

struggling through life...

Feeling BLUE

you know someone once told me that am the only one the can make a change in my life
but how do i do that how can i make a change without knowing how to make a change in the first place I feel like i don't belong here
but the truth is i don't know where i belong
there are days that i don't even know who am i
or why am i even here
i don't know what i want
and so how do i know what to change
and if is even right or wrong
i don't know the purpose..

I just

Sometimes i just

want to scream

and shout

and

cry

i want to be able to

cry and

not hide

to let it all out

for once!

No words

What do you do when it all falls down?

who do you turn to when you want to die?

why what makes me smile seems to make me cry

and why what is suppose to be bad make me feel so good

I dont know what to write anymore

I have no words to express the sadness inside my soul.

I contemplate

I realize

I want to

Die!

Am an EMO kid

I hate the person that i have become today.

some days are better than others,

there are days when i pretend to be alive

when really i feel dead inside

but there are days that am in a flat sate

how can i smile when am just not happy?

how can i talk when i just have nothing to say

i make promises and fail miserably at fulfilling.

i can no longer look at myself in the eye.

i tell myself that everything’s gonna be alright,

when i know nothing can be alright.

I lie to myself n it’s the worst of its kind.

i blame my conscience,

my memory, my scratch my walls, i shout my lungs out,

i cry a little and it just adds up to the pool of tears i’ve already created.

Every time i wanna do something to eradicate the pain,

my scar just spreads a little extra, to remind me that its not worth. It fades away the courage i’ve summoned, it tranquilizesmyfeelings and it makes the attempt go sour. i'm wasted.

BLACK

so today i decided to change my hair color,,from bright red to plain black,and of course i had to write about it....this is what i came up with i didint even think about what to write i just wrote this as a third person.


I dont know if she did it
to cover up her lies,
or
to cover her innocence that she once had
i dont know if she just did it to hide her melancholy
but
she did it
in hopes to find her soul
i dont know why she choose to live like this
trapped,
miserable
she has created a tomb,
why dont they just let her be?
she now hides in her black hair

Rebirth

Rebirth.

After death the soul

begins a new cycle of existence in another human body.

But to me rebirth is
the revival of learning and culture a spiritual enlightenment

causing a person to lead a new life and thats why i have it on my skin.

Its a new begining in my life

everytime i look at my wrist i smile,

I smile because at last i feel like i can move on to heaven

from this hell.

I wish

No one hears me,

understands me

I speak in silence

hoping that someone

will see my words,

my messagehoping to find love,

it has arrived so divine

I wish for a stronger,

better lifefilled with everlasting touch

I dream the future, but hold the past

My body is brimmed with so many confusions

Am I really here experiencing fullness?

I must be, the pain is so realthe hurt

I feel could never be imagined

I want

Wanting,

lusting,

to

be

held,

to

be

loved,

to

feel

warmth,

to

feel

your

beating

heart.

without title

She was alone

because no one would ever know

what made her cry,

and die

and turn to ashes inside.

Because the silence was her only hope

her mask of joy.

To understand -

She lost herself that day.

She lost all trust.

It was too much for her small heart to take,

too much for her small mind to forget.

Can it ever go away?

Only imagine

I can only imagine

What it's like

to be alone

How it feels

to be rejected

How to get by on my own

To never share a secret

To feel empty deep inside

I can only imagine

For myself,

I live in pride

I can only imagine

What it's like

to be abused

How it feels

to lie awake

Feeling angry,

tired and bruised

To have no friend to turn to

Filled with rage

I can't release

I can only imagine

My confession

Pain... Tension... Fatigue... Depression... Anger, Aggression, Frustration. All these unwanted sensations - Burning, hurting, tearing. My heart alone, cold and fearing. Why won't you let me sleep, let me rest, Let me forget To eradicate, eliminate, destroy all my regrets? These memories inside, swirling, twirling, unwilling to reside in the corner of my mind. Repeating, resisting, insisting - Refusing to be denied its recognition Of its position in my Frustration, Confusion, Delusion. Ah, to close my eyes and let time fly by, Because there's so much to gain By forgetting these dreams driving me insane. Unfocused, unclear, out of control, My world spinning, spinning, spinning, My sanity flying through the door. My reason, my logic, oh, it's tragic, Like fine sands running through my hands, I'm losing my mind.

No title

Its so hard to try to stay strong when nothing is right and everything is wrong

why cant i just be happy for once and all?..I jus wrote this short poem because this is how i feel today...

Life is a prison,

let me out.

No one to listen,

To hear when you shout

Climb the walls of insanity,

Ride the waves of despair.

If you fall it don't matter,

There's no one to care.

She wont cry

You see the fear that closes her eyes,
The smile she wears is but a disguise,
She won't cry
You see the hope that is finally dead,
She cannot trust for her heart has been bled,
She won't cry.
You see the love that lies within,
But she shall never love again,
She won't cry
no, she just wont cry
You see death's hand that has glazed her eyes,
No one saw her die inside,
They won't cry..